After some discussion on Friday's blog, some issues were raised as to what to do about the problems we are facing in our communities and it just seems that we a blowing in the wind.
Well, yes and no.
I don't think there is anything lost by addressing this issue in this forum or anywhere else. That is certainly one way to get this issue front and center.
Are we a small group? Yes.
Do we have a long arm? I am inclined at this point to say, no.
Are we fighting an uphill battle? Yes.
Are we whistling in the wind? I don't think so just yet.
Some have posted that we need the Modern Orthodox to fill this void. I strongly disagree and mostly for the same reasons I rail against the Kollel wing-because they are as closed minded-yes closed minded-and arrogant about Torah U'madah as the Kollel is about their way. Don't get me wrong. I am not against the Torah U'madah derech per se' just as I am not against Kollel in all cases. But please don't fool yourself into thinking that the far left-yes not centrist-(I don't even know what that means) is any better than the far right. I will try and address that soon.
Here, however is my attempt at an answer.
I am adamant about not using the term orthodox because the moniker was laid on us by the reformers in Germany and it was not meant to be a compliment. I am in favor of the word Torah Jew. Someone who lives their life based on Torah. Period. Let the other guys keep the labels and do what they want with them. I think they're silly and mean nothing.
Here is what I propose. We should all try and live a genuine life. We don't need a new movement. We just need some common sense and people who are not concerned with their own Kavod and power. We need to get rid of any leaders who are slighted that they were not placed on the dais when someone else who is not as " important" as they are had been placed there. We need to hold our leadership accountable. We need to stop concerning ourselves with who gets what honor. It's so silly and the cause of so much strife and hatred.
We need to follow the example of a nineteen year old girl that I know. She davens every day-because she wants to even though she may not be obligated to. She speaks respectfully to all people no matter their age. She leaves the room when she hears Loshon Horah. She reads the parsha every friday night and learns the haftorah-because she wants to learn about Hashem. She does not judge anyone nor advocate for any one thing or any one way of life. She just wants to be a Jew. She attends Shiurim because she just wants to be a Jew. She helps the terminally ill twice a week because she just wants to be a Jew. She didn't buy into th eIsrael thing or the fancy clothes thing. She just wants to be a Jew.
What is wrong with that? Why can't we start a movement to just be a Jew. A G-d fearing do our service out of love Jew? We don't need to re-invent the wheel. The answer is already out there. We just need to be Jews.
How do we convey that to the masses? Any way possible, but we have to offer something they can sink their teeth into and I think this girl and the way she lives her life is the answer. The MO have an agenda and it is to NOT be charedi. That alone is as dangerous as the charedi agendas. Think about that carefully and understand that I have sent FIVE children to Torah Umadah schools so I know about which I am writing. Anyone who denies this fact is being intellectually dishonest.
Fact is there is a way and it has nothing to do with labels. It has to do with being G-d fearing Jew and living a life as it is defined by Torah. Our words men nothing. Our clothes mean nothing. Our hashkafah means nothing.
Our actions mean everything.
9 comments:
Well said.
I was recently in Israel visiting a friend who is a chareidi BT but has become VERY disillusioned with life in that community, for many of the same reasons we've been expressing on these blogs. It had come to the point that he hadn't gone to shul in 2 years because he couldn't stand the people around him and he was depressed and hiding in his home, leaving only to go to work or visit the few friends he still had.
We spoke for a long time and what I said to turn him around is what I'll write here: We should be learning, praying, giving tzedakah and all the other mitzvos for one reason alone, to show our love and loyalty for our Creator. It doesn't matter what other people think, it doesn't matter what they say. Do you think you are honestly relating to Hashem in your actions? Do you think you are doing the best you can? Do you believe your heart is in the right place? Then don't let anyone else dissaude you.
I will disagree with one thing in the post. While individuals following this path is a laudable idea, the problem happens when folks like us being interacting with "the system". I'll give you a simple example - let's say you don't believe this crap about denim being an immodest fabric. You let your daughter wear denim skirts. Now you live in a place where the roshei yeshivah and Bais Yaakov headmasters aren't as enlightened as you are. For them, denim is a sin and they're prepared to deny your daughter entry into their school. Whats more, the other schools will deny your daughter entry as well because they don't want to be seen as less frum in their standards. And none of the parents of your friends will support you. They don't want to be seen as apikorsim.
That's why something bigger than just a group of individuals has to evolve from this.
I'm not suggesting Modern Orthodoxy in its current form is an alternative. Modern Orthodoxy is defined today by what it isn't (it isn't Chareidi and it isn't Conservatism), not by what it is. No one knows the answer. I'm saying something that takes the best of both worlds, the Chareidi intensity and love of Torah with the Modern Orthodox confidence in carrying Jewish values through society without fearing they'll collapse like a house of cards. Something bigger so when the local Rosh Yeshivah tells your son that since his grandfather has a TV in the house he's not eligible for an education you have somehwere else to send him, somewhere you have confidence in.
And you're right. Orthodox is a word inflicted on us by others. Unfortunately, it has penetrated the language to the extent its unavoidable.
rav gifter once supposedly said "THERE ARE ONLY TWO TYPES OF MOVEMENTS, THERE IS A TORA MOVEMENT AND A BOWEL MOVEMENT" You have your heart in the right place. good luck. p.s. you might be more succesful in an out of town community.
"you might be more succesful in an out of town community."
Now isn't that a sad commentary on the Jewish People....
I feel your pain. The truth is that both the MO and the Chareidi see each other (from a distance) and decide that this is NOT who they want to be identified with. Certainly they will do their best to ensure that their children will not look like that, dress like that, or live lifestyles like that. So, what do they do? Each pushes the Halachic and made-up chumrah envelopes and take another step away from each other. As a result their ideological, political, social, and behavioral distances are increased. Consequently, the numbers of your genuine "no frills Torah Jew" will dwindle. Add that to the trend in many communities (especially outside of the Tri-State area) for the very people with the balanced ideals you seek--to make Aliya, it is not a very optimistic outlook in shtutt.
To be somewhat "optimistic" however, I think that two things will likely happen in our community. The first is that in about 10 years, the money will dry up. It has to. The cash cows (fathers and fathers-in-law who are made to feel guilty that they did not do Kollel) will have retired and will be frail, perhaps on fixed incomes. The numbers of grandchildren that need to be married off and supported by the cash cows will increase and beyond their reach. And when reality hits, people will start to rebel against the Chareidi leadership and start to decide to do what's more in their personal self-interest--even at the expense of being ideologically inconsistent with their mentors (which is not such a great thing either, but inevitable if no realistic paths are presented).
Secondly, people (e.g., the women and some parents) will start to wise-up and recognize that the Kollel lifestyle for many has simply been a postponement of reality. They will realize that their husbands never really had the tools or commitment to embark down the road of full-time Kollel, and they were simply fed a bill of goods by Bais Yaakov and their seminary directors. (The chassunah made for a great picture on Onlysimchas, but unfortunately there is no royalty income.) They will realize that the levush, accoutrements, and lifestyle were merely a facade to "fit in". They will wake up and understand that they simply went with the flow, and the flow was insincere. Unfortunately, the prevalence of marital problems will increase, given that many such marriages were predicated on erroneous, baseless, priorityless expectations. And we both know of cases where this is already occurring.
On the other hand, many in the MO community will have bent too much the other way. While better educated and more financially independent than their Chareidi counterparts, they will have missed out opportunities for learning more of our Mesora and subsequent religious/spiritual growth. But, invariably they may ultimately be called to help bail out their Kollel brothers whom they have not interacted with since being 4 year olds in day care. How sad.
I'm actually giving it 25 years until the money dries up.
Plus, I'm not as optimistic as Dr.E. Jews are Am K'shei Oref, stiff-necked. Tell them that the money's gone and that they need to change their lifestyle and they'll davka refuse to just because you said so. The social fabric in many of these places is already fraying, even in places in Israel like Bene Beraq and Kiryat Sefer. The problem is that no one will make the first move to reform the system. I've spoken with families who hate the peer pressure, the unsustainable lifestyle, the constant adoption of chumros just so they won't be looked down upon by their neighbours but they're too scared to change because they don't want to be the only ones.
On the MO side, things are also pretty bad. Half their kids come back from the post-high school year in Israel and want to go to Lakewood. The other half go off the university and rapidly cast off as much of the frum lifestyle they had as they can. Only a dedicated few carry through and most of those either wind up at YU or making aliyah. Where's their next generation going to come from?
However, the Aibishter did not keep us alive and on this Earth despite the best efforts of the nations to wipe us out just to let us do the job ourselves. 110 years ago Herzl was just a journalist from Vienna. There was no Zionist movement. Look how he changed our history. A religious leader with the same charisma could do wonders for the Torah observant world. Yes, there would be those left behind, both on the extreme right and left, but the centre could finally move forward.
Just Opt Out!
We Sephardim are just Jews. Some are religious, some are not religious, some are in the middle. We have a religious synagogue, a religious rabbi, but we don't worry about segregating ourselves into levels of holiness. We each do what we can and try for more.
It's not too late to enjoy Beans and Rice for Pesach! Find a nice Sephardic K'hilah before it's too late!!
:)
Where did that come from?
By the way, he's right. A lot of the stereotyping crap that goes on in the Ashkenazic world doesn't happen amongst Sephardim. Maybe that's why the Ashkenazi chareidim don't like them. They know they're onto a good thing.
In the comments of your last post you asked what I/we can do about it. (Sorry I didn't get to reply - have been very busy.) The answer, fortuitously, goes with this post of yours - leave.
I was born in the DC metropolitan area. My late husband was allergic to gainful employment... He died of cancer at age 28 (too much inbreeding, no doubt) and left me with 2 small children at the age of 19 and the stigma of being a young widow and therefore "cursed."
Later, at age 24 I married a 42 year old convert (because no ffb guy wanted a "curse"). Much later still, after dealing with all the idiocy, power-mongering, social terrorist, etc. we left. We now live in his home town in his home state, about 100 miles from the nearest orthodox shul.
We have not abandoned Judaism, but we did abandon the rabbinate, and I have to say that is the only real solution for now. As garnel said above, there isn't any option not to play the game when they're the ones holding all the cards. If you don't play their way, they can and will make your life, your kids lives (I also have 5) and your siblings lives a living hell. Why go through it? You don't need them to have a relationship with Hashem. Obedience to Torah can be done anywhere. Even in Europe many observant/Torah Jews moved into uncharted territory, started new shetls and new shuls. They didn't spring fully formed out of the earth. Pioneers founded them.
The only way to wrest control away from them is for people to vote with their feet and their pocketbooks - get jobs and don't contribute to their institutions, and move away if you need to. Only when we starve the beast of resources will it die.
I'm so sorry to hear of the tzurus you have needlessly suffered. Do you know the chilul Hashem these people who rejected you caused? The Torah tells us OVER AND OVER to help the widow and the fatherless, to do anything to make their lives easier, and you had to suffer before people thought you were cursed?
Gott in Himmel, is this what the Torah is like in big communities? No wonder Moshiach doesn't come. If he dooesn't wear the right type of hat, they won't his kids into the local cheder!
There are other Jewish communities out there where Torah observant Jews live without these idiotic predjudices. I live in one. Yes, it's a small community with only about 20 strongly frum (but not black hat) families and a few more that are traditional. But we have our share of divorced couples. In fact, two divorced women from our community married divorced men also from our community this year. We have BT's and geirim and no one singles them out except maybe to be even nicer to them because it's the right thing to do to make them feel like they're no different than the "native born" types.
You should consider looking around. Consider our community. We could use an influx of Jews looking to build a Torah observant community without all the hangups.
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