A little background on this story....
A boy about 12 years old is struggling at his yeshiva because the English is overwhelmed with nothingness and there is no respect for adults and teachers. His parents are professionals. Father is very learned and a well respected national attorney-A very righteous man doing huge amounts of work on behalf of Israel and the Jewish people.
Parents end up sending the boy to a co-ed day school where he does very well, but as he enters 9th grade, they would prefer he go back to the yeshiva where his two older brothers are. A few days before his summer interview at the yeshiva, something happens. The mother of a former classmate at the yeshiva-let's call her Yenta-sees the boy talking to a girl who happens to be in his class at the day school. Yenta the mother, knowing of the boys upcoming interview, grabs her cell phone and places an urgent call to the principal and because her husband is a board member at the yeshiva, she feels she can call the principal at any time. So on his summer vacation, she calls the principal and demands he turn the boy away from the yeshiva, because even though her son and the boy are the best of friends, she does not want his influence of talking to girls around her son. Her son is a true ben Torah and he does not need this kind of bad apple in the yeshiva. The one thing the mother has forgotten to mention to the principal is that she is making the phone call to him FROM A LOCAL (not jewish) PUBLIC POOL WHERE MEN AND WOMAN ARE SWIMMING TOGETHER. She, of course, SELF-APPOINTED ARBITER OF FRUMKEIT THAT SHE IS, can be there because she has covered herself up more than those "others" at the pool who clearly do not understand teh lessons of right and wrong that she administers.
Understand this. This self righteous mitzvah doer is relaxing her day away at a public swimming pool when she notices on the sidewalk some few hundred feet away, this boy, who, passing by a girl he is in class with, stops to say hi and she takes it upon herself to make sure the boy is not in her sons class at the yeshiva because her son does not need this awful influence in his life-being the true ben Torah that he is.
Fast forward two years. The boy is thriving in the day school after the parents resented the yeshiva's treatment of their son based on him being spotted talking to this girl by Yenta and her subsequent reporting of it to the Principal. He is a leader and a mentsch on his way to being a masmid. This past Wednesday, Yenta's son is caught by his principal at the local JCC leaving the building with his brand new girlfriend. The irony is so rich you have to wipe it away from your face with both hands. Of course there were no repercussions for Yenta's son because the father and Yenta are now both board members and the president of the school is their best friend...
So where does this leave us?
I don't really know when it started, but sometime in the past twenty five years, the religious Jewish people made style over substance the most important criteria in life. Funny thing is, it was this very thing that Rabbeim railed against when they gave their Thursday night schmoozes, decrying the non religious for the manicured lawns and their fancy cars, wondering why they turned their backs on Torah. How could they choose style over substance? They need to learn Torah to understand the shortcomings of their life decisions. Now, we have embraced their philosophy even though our people study Torah every day. Funny how that happens....
A few times each week now, I have men knocking at my door collecting for their yeshivas. My one question to each of them is, would I, in my three button polo shirt and kakis, be allowed to study Torah in their yeshiva if I was 18 years old? Invariably, they hedge the answer until, when pressed, they say no, I would have to conform to the standard white and black fare. When asked why, they cannot give me anything better than this is how a ben Torah dresses. Really? The Chofetz Chaim dressed like that? How many of these great Torah scholars know that we stole this get-up from the polish and russian nobleman. Chas V'Shalom is their response when enlightened.
It no longer matters what you are, it matters what your look like you are. And therein lies the rub...
I have so much more on this, but I will stop here for now because I have made my own stomach turn and another shamas is at my door....and just In case you're wondering, I do give all the men Tzedakah, but I always wonder why....
16 comments:
First of all, welcome to the Blogspehere.
A Rav I respect tremendously once told me there are two types of mitzvos - those you do privately and those you do publicly. There is very little interpersonal reinforcement for the former, lots for the latter. So the things a Jew is supposed to do and only G-d is a witness to, like being honest, kind, helpful, etc., there's no glory in that. But to wear the right clothes, talk Yeshivish in the right fashion, announce to everyone how much you learn and how many pairs of tefillin you put on every day, well there's lots of glory in that.
Despite their claims, the Chareidim are very affected by surrounding society and since the 1960's, secular society has been into personal display. Modesty is a shunned quality. You only get ahead if you're loud and proud about it. Look at politics, the entertainment industy, your co-workers who are angling for promotions. The quiet guy in the corner working his arse off never gets ahead.
The Chareidim, as much as they would like to deny it, have taken on this quality. Look at the elections for Chief Rabbi in Israel where the candidates behave in ways that would make North American politicians blush. Everything is about the externals because that's where the glory is and people, including the Chareidim, crave glory. The guy who sits quietly, learns, and does his best to be honest, he gets overlooked because the guy next to him who spent his time making sure everyone saw how "holy" he is got ahead.
May Heaven save us from this foolishness and restore our proper Jewish sense of modesty before we wind up destroying that which is left to us.
The average mesivta in Brooklyn has gone black & white. The sad part is they only want to accept clones. If during his entrance interview, an eight-grader tells the menahel of a mesivta that when he grows up he wants to be a doctor, engineer or scientist, in spite of a stellar record he would be denied entry because he doesn't quite fit it...
Why do you give to something you know from experience is not right? Show a little backbone and "just say no".
How much interest would there be in founding a yeshivah where the kid in Mark's post would fit in? A school where excellence in both Torah and secular sudjects would be encouraged?
Not everyone wants to be a clone. I've met quite a few people out there who want both types of education for their children but are forced by their surrounding community to chose either exclusive Torah or expulsion from the community. How does one find all these people?
Just an aside for DR. Fred...
You are probably right in that I give the tzedakah when I should know better...however, if someone comes to me in need, I still have an issue saying no to a mitzvah opportunity that Hashem has given me....now granted I am in a sense perpetuating this terrible mistake and maybe I need to rethink that....one reason this blog is here....I concur with your backbone assessment but at this point need to come to terms with helping a fellow Jew in need....when all is said and done I am a Jew and such is my lot....as much as it tears me up...
BTW-it's 5 dollars...but still 5 dollars to a school that would not let me learn there....Mi K'amcha Yisroel??
It's not a mitzvah - you're simply prolonging their inability to function in the real world, and enabling them to continue to be trapped in poverty! Isn't the greatest form of charity to teach a man a trade so that he can support his family himself? Yes, it is. So give your charity to programs that do that. Or offer the guy a job - there must be some chores around your place they could do. (I bet you'll never have one take you up on it, though.)
As for the hypocrite at the pool, post photos on the internet - anonymously, of course. That'll stop them.
I'm enjoying your new blog.
I've heard of wedding being called off because the mother of one party or the other used the wrong table cloth.
Personally I'm thinking of investing in some yellow tablecloths, and telling my daughters that they should never tell a boy what their dress size(s) are. Not that I exactly expect it to come up.
Love the new blog. Keep it up.
Schnorrers from Israel come to my door in waves. Currently we're at low tide but when they're around, I get about 2-3 a night. My own personal policy is to give to everyone because in the back of my head is the line "There but for the grace o' G-d go I". Yes, many of them are either fakes, raising for purposes I would disagree with, or both but if I, chas v'shalom, suffered an unexpected turn of fortune and wound up in their position, I would hate the guy at the door looking at me like that because of the rest of them. So I give them the benefit of the doubt, and a cheque so at least I get a tax receipt.
The best way to deal with some of them is to do what they don't expect. They expect to come in, show you photos and copies of documentation to support their claim to tzedakah, and then ask for money.
Me, I put cookies and whiskey in front of them, pull out a gemara and tell them that I have no interest in their sob story. Instead, we're gonna learn a sugya. I've found that for the sincere ones, it completely brings them to life. I have one guy who, when he comes by, reminds me what we learned the last time and could we do some more.
I've even had a civilized conversation with a confirmed Satmar. Top that!
If you're interested in intelligent Torah-based discussion, cheeck out www.nishma.org and their blog nishmablog.blogspot.com. You might find what you've been looking for, Orthodox Jews discussing important subjects freely.
Dear fellow Jew, I totaly agree with you.
I will tell you a story about the fatehr of my Grandfather who was Hacham in Gruzia:
One day one of the muslim haj approach Papia who was the Rav of a small village in Gruzia and ask him:
Tell me Hacham, why do you think God choose us the muslim over you the jews?
Papia look on him and said: how?
the Haj said: becouse you the jews allways argue.
Then Papia said: that is the reason that God choose us. The haj was angry and said why?
becouse in our Torah there is a law that say: Justice justice Seek. And if one do not argue he become like you Haj who accept everything that your superior tell you without argument. And if your superior mufty tell you that the donkey is the king by your muslim law you have to abide. Where we the jews will argue on this issue to see if the donkey is realy a donkey....
In any case what Papia said: when jews are not debating those who claim to the title of Torah speakers they are no longer jews but muslim. As insted to follow the old Jewish law of arguments for the benefit of both sides they accept submission which is not a jewish thinking.
The problem today is that the Yeshiva students do not know to argue as they learn to abide what the Rabbi said as the wholy truth without a contest.
I can tell you the folowing: tell the story of papia to your Rabbi and see if he understand if the Joke was on the haj or on him.....
Also another perl from Papia:
If one find God in his heart by being good moral man with his fellow men he is son of Torah. If one pretend to "Know" torah and preach it from the "high mountains"
and what he care about Torah is what others will say about him, is not son of Torah but it worst enemy.
And the truth is: Many of our present generation of Rabbi or poskey dor are stupid folks who come to power by politics and not by wisdom.
So keep with the struggle and do not lose your faith in God. As he is not to blame that most of our Rabbi are idiots....
I would add a couplle of things to that:
1) Yeshivah students do learn to argue. They learn to argue with anyone who disagrees with the party line in their yeshivah. They learn to insult those people and insinuate that they don't believe in G-d, G-d forbid.
2) Who says Muslims don't argue? Sunnis and Shiites would just as soon rather kill each other than anyone else. After 1400 they're still arguing about who Mohammed's real heir was.
just out of interest, what would you do if they told you that you would be welcome to learn in their yeshiva dressed like that?
tzvi meir
As I said above, I give everyone Tzedakah who knocks at my door. I think it is very hard for people to ask for money. In answer to your question, I give them more money than my normal amount because that means their Torah does not have any requirements to learn it.
That is the Torah I grew up with....
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