So What's the Answer?

After some discussion on Friday's blog, some issues were raised as to what to do about the problems we are facing in our communities and it just seems that we a blowing in the wind.

Well, yes and no.

I don't think there is anything lost by addressing this issue in this forum or anywhere else. That is certainly one way to get this issue front and center.

Are we a small group? Yes.

Do we have a long arm? I am inclined at this point to say, no.

Are we fighting an uphill battle? Yes.

Are we whistling in the wind? I don't think so just yet.

Some have posted that we need the Modern Orthodox to fill this void. I strongly disagree and mostly for the same reasons I rail against the Kollel wing-because they are as closed minded-yes closed minded-and arrogant about Torah U'madah as the Kollel is about their way. Don't get me wrong. I am not against the Torah U'madah derech per se' just as I am not against Kollel in all cases. But please don't fool yourself into thinking that the far left-yes not centrist-(I don't even know what that means) is any better than the far right. I will try and address that soon.

Here, however is my attempt at an answer.

I am adamant about not using the term orthodox because the moniker was laid on us by the reformers in Germany and it was not meant to be a compliment. I am in favor of the word Torah Jew. Someone who lives their life based on Torah. Period. Let the other guys keep the labels and do what they want with them. I think they're silly and mean nothing.

Here is what I propose. We should all try and live a genuine life. We don't need a new movement. We just need some common sense and people who are not concerned with their own Kavod and power. We need to get rid of any leaders who are slighted that they were not placed on the dais when someone else who is not as " important" as they are had been placed there. We need to hold our leadership accountable. We need to stop concerning ourselves with who gets what honor. It's so silly and the cause of so much strife and hatred.

We need to follow the example of a nineteen year old girl that I know. She davens every day-because she wants to even though she may not be obligated to. She speaks respectfully to all people no matter their age. She leaves the room when she hears Loshon Horah. She reads the parsha every friday night and learns the haftorah-because she wants to learn about Hashem. She does not judge anyone nor advocate for any one thing or any one way of life. She just wants to be a Jew. She attends Shiurim because she just wants to be a Jew. She helps the terminally ill twice a week because she just wants to be a Jew. She didn't buy into th eIsrael thing or the fancy clothes thing. She just wants to be a Jew.

What is wrong with that? Why can't we start a movement to just be a Jew. A G-d fearing do our service out of love Jew? We don't need to re-invent the wheel. The answer is already out there. We just need to be Jews.

How do we convey that to the masses? Any way possible, but we have to offer something they can sink their teeth into and I think this girl and the way she lives her life is the answer. The MO have an agenda and it is to NOT be charedi. That alone is as dangerous as the charedi agendas. Think about that carefully and understand that I have sent FIVE children to Torah Umadah schools so I know about which I am writing. Anyone who denies this fact is being intellectually dishonest.

Fact is there is a way and it has nothing to do with labels. It has to do with being G-d fearing Jew and living a life as it is defined by Torah. Our words men nothing. Our clothes mean nothing. Our hashkafah means nothing.

Our actions mean everything.

Can Anyone Save us from Ourselves?

I apologize for my tardiness from this blog. Between family issues, weddings, work and life, time to write has been scarce and even now I am overloaded with work so I will be brief.

A little over a week ago I was in Boro Park for the wedding of my cousin. It was very nice to see everyone, yet very sad at the same time. I sat at a family table with the son-in-laws of all of my cousins and surprise, surprise, they all were in Kollel in Lakewood. Follow me here...they are all nice people and I enjoy their company, but what the hell are we doing here? I could not help but wonder who was going to pay for the weddings of their children?

Does anyone realize the kind of crisis we are creating? Please have some vision. NEVER BEFORE IN THE HISTORY OF THE JEWISH PEOPLE HAVE WE HAD SO MANY PEOPLE IN KOLLEL. This is not a good thing. Who will pay for them if G-d forbid they lose their parents-their only source of income-section 8 and the Independence card/WIC notwithstanding? WHERE ARE OUR LEADERS TO STOP THIS??? Can we actually rely on a group of rabbis who CALL THEMSELVES gedolai hatorah? Does anyone in a rabbinical leadership position have the guts to stop this? I think not and I am ashamed of my people. The leadership today has spit on the graves of Pinchas and Mattisyahu, the Rambam, the Ramban, Rebbi, Rebbi Akiva, Shimshon Raphael Hirsch--all the men who stood up for what was right and took on the wrongs in their communities even when they were dressed up as Torah. WHERE ARE YOU????????????

I'll end today with a small story in case you think that only our sons suffer from mis-information overload. A friend of ours has a daughter who had planned for years to go to law school when she came back from Israel. All was well and good. She became engaged and went back to Israel whereupon she met up with her Rabbi who told her a lawyer-is that really what you want to be? Is that what a bas Torah should be? So she has come to the conclusion on his urging to be a paralegal. Huh? Instead of being her own boss as a lawyer, this brilliant rebbi told her to be a paralegal-in other words work for a lawyer who needs you at a moments notice and that will be easier on her family than working for yourself?? Did he get this insight from Ruach Hakodesh? Is his das torah power taking over?

We are in crisis and need to open up the eyes of all the naive parents who have bought into this broken system and have been sold a bill of goods that has no basis in Halacha...if it sounds frummer, it must be...

On that note...have a great shabbos.

What is this Torah that you Speak of?

It never fails.

You can start a clock by it.

Question the present day Yeshivish/Kollel lifestyle and you will get blasted-personally attacked. Be called an idiot and a know nothing-anti-Torah.

This is the way it works with the Jews of the 21st century.

Suffice it to say there are two camps. One camp believes that the current yeshiva structure of today is the way to go. This camp believes in the study of Torah, living a Torah lifestyle, with Torah, Avodah, and Gemilos Chasadim. However, they also are subjecting our naive, idealistic, children to a life of struggle and poverty and listening intently for the next restrictive edict from a Rabbinical leadership starving to hang on to it's power. Not so much because they believe it's the way to go, but because that's just the way it is done.

The second camp believes in Torah, Avodah, and Gemilos Chasadim. They believe in a Torah lifestyle. They do not believe in the canard of modern orthodoxy as it's defined by the far left wing on that spectrum, just as they reject the leanings of the far right wing in the yeshiva structure. They just long to be Torah Jews who service Hashem out of love and call out the evil of all who have other agendas.

I myself am lost. I like to think I am in the second camp, but unfortunately, there are not many people there with me. I used to believe in the infallibility of Rabbinical leadership. Those days are gone now. I have witnessed too much. I get a chuckle out of seeing advertisements for a camp where, under the picture of each Rabbi involved, is a caption like Adom Godol or Talmud Chacham. I turn the page and see pictures of more Rabbis who USED TO BE WITH THE others from the previous page, but are now on their own in a new camp, due to a fight between the groups. I used to think that someone earned the name Gadol Ba'Torah-I didn't think you got invited to become one.

Interestingly enough, talk to any Rabbi nowadays, and he'll tell you that we are definitely at the end of days, all the while wanting us to ignore that at the end of days, the Talmud says, the rabbis will be like a pig with a golden ring in it's snout, as if to say check out my Torah and how much I know. The rest of you know nothing.

I believe the study of Torah is a beautiful and spiritual pursuit. I also believe like Abaye, Ravina, Rava, Rambam, Rav Ashi And Rav Shmuel before me that MY NUMBER ONE JOB AS A TORAH TRUE JEW, IS TO FEED MY FAMILY. For support on this issue, I find solace in the Gemmorah Kesubos around 40 blatt in as well as hilchos Talmud Torah from the Rambam, 3rd perek, where he states that a person should find a job, find a house, find a wife. WHAT? The Rambam said that? Doesn't he understand how hard it is in this society? Like living in Egypt was a day at the beach. Today we do the exact opposite. Find a wife, find a house find a job. I'm amused by Kollel and Bais Medrash students who constantly quote the Rambam, but seem to ignore his prescription for life.

I'm told now that a young man needs to learn longer in this brutal society to get a foundation for life. I do not disagree. Here is my answer to fix all of it. Learn to your hearts content if that is how your parents have raised you, but do not involve our daughters and grandchildren in your selfishness. Let me be very clear. It is extremely selfish to demand of one's parents and in-laws that you be supported. It is extremely selfish to demand of your wife, that she supports you for x number of years and after that you'll see where you are at. Yes, the study of Torah is very important. IF YOU BELIEVE IN IT SO MUCH, DO SOMETHING SELFLESS AND WAIT TO GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO SUPPORT A WIFE AS THE TORAH AND TALMUD SAYS.

It used to be in years past when a boy was in yeshiva his rebbe would quote him that a person who is kovayah iitim l'Torah is like a person who learned all day. The Rebbe assumed that the boy would follow in the footsteps of his Jewish ancestors. Today they are told that a person can't really be Koveah iitim because he would have to do it the same time each day blah blah blah...What are we doing?? When will this stupidity end??

I wish I could learn Torah all day. There is nothing better for a man to do. I cannot. The Torah commands me to feed my children and take care of my wife and that is what I must do. In the meantime, I will continue to learn at least a daf a day in Bavli and dabble in Yerushalmi, as I have for the last 10 years and find my peace in that. While I understand that the Yeshiva world looks down upon Daf Yomi, I will live with their ridicule and their arrogance. In the meantime, I will do my best to make sure we straighten out the lives of the starry eyed youth who have bought into this broken and dangerous system and hope and pray that I don't get a knock on my door in 22 years from now because my relatives don't have enough money to pay for the first of the ten childrens' wedding. Habait M'shmayim oraeeyh....

Devorah? Not in my Lifetime....

I apologize for not posting a new blog sooner but with the holiday and some family issues, I was a bit overwhelmed...nevertheless I am back and had a few questions....

Before I start a few mazel tov's. My cousin has a daughter getting married in two weeks and she is moving to....you guessed it, Lakewood where her husband will be....you guessed it, learning in Kollel. But wait-there's more. Her brother just got engaged two days ago...he'll be moving to...drum roll please...Lakewood where he will be....learning in Kollel...anyone see a pattern? Ahh but in case you have not had enough, my brother's nephew from his wife's side also just got engaged...his is moving to....do I need to say??

What are we doing to our children??? Does this make any sense to you?? Someone please explain this utter stupidity to me and additionally, tell me how this lunacy is good for the Jewish people and how it is actually the way of the Torah??


A thought about learning all night on Shavuos....

Where did we get this and by we I mean the religious Jewish community? What source can we look to for this minhag? Rashi? Nope. Rambam? Nope. Abarbanel? Nope. Ramban? Nope. Now it seems to me that none of the above partook in this nobel excersize, or at the very least they didn't advocate it for the masses. Now please feel free to correct me on these aforementioned bastions of yeshivish thought, but I can't find one place in their writings where they even hint to staying up all night to learn on Shavuos. How did we get here?

It seems that the Mogen Avraham is really one of the first to mention this idea of staying up all night referring to a recent happening as if to say that around his time in the early 1600 or late 1500's, people started to stay up all night. I find it interesting to note that coffee was introduced to that region around the same time frame. Could it be without the introduction of caffeine back then, we would not have this minhag today? I seem to think so. Now for the Yeshiva guy this is an uncomfortable thought-do you mean to tell me that no one stayed up on Shavuos before then? Uhhhh...for the most part yes. Except of course if you read the Zohar who has a whole miggilah on how a few Kabbalists stayed up to prepare the bride-Klal Yisroel-for the groom-Hashem and Torah-and it explains there the very obscure and esoteric meanings behind this idea.

The yeshiva guy will point to the Chofetz Chaim who states the medrash and we stay up all night because we needed to be woken up...blah blah blah...I believe even the CC knew this was way off, but he did not want to mention Kabbalah b/c he knew how the misnagdim hated the chasidim so....and that tradition has been handed down to the yeshiva world who has an almost disdain for Kabbalists as if only the yeshiva world has true insight to Torah....I wonder if the yeshiva world knows how much Kabbalah they have in their lives...ana b'koach, lechu nerannina, Lecho dodi just to name a few....

The other question I wonder is do you think there is any chance that had she lived in today's world, Devorah would have been allowed to rise into a leader of Klal Yisroel? I say no shot..Can you imagine the self proclaimed moetzes gedolei ha'Torah differing to a woman? I am confident that the Rosh Ha'Yeshiva's would ban her speeches and attack her as a rodef and rebel rouser who was not a good example for our daughters and b'nos Torah...

Anyone doubt that?

What a shame that Torah Judaism has been squeezed into a very small narrow box and anyone who dares to question it's non halachic laws is attacked and abused in the name of Torah. What a shame...

Revelation?

With Shavuot starting Tuesday evening, I just wanted to address a point I see debated all over the Internet on blogs and biblical criticism sites everywhere. I don't know if I'm missing something, but it almost seems too obvious to me. I'll explain:

The argument about revelation at Sinai, when the Jews received the Torah, and were all witnesses to that fact, is that there is no proof to that. The logic goes that the Torah tells us that we were all there and saw it happen so because it says so in the Torah, it makes it true. The problem, as the argument goes, is that that is a circular argument. How can you use the very book in question to prove the book is indeed factual. In other words we say we were all there because the Torah says we were.

I don't think that is the proof. I think the proof inside the Torah is not so much that the Torah says we were there so therefore it must be true. I think that is the wrong argument/proof. I think the proof is the very fact that the Jews believed it is the actual proof. Let me clarify:

Everyone of us knows Jews. We know how pushy, obnoxious, overbearing and stubborn they/we can be. Moshe even addresses this point to Hashem when he complains that they are a stiff necked stubborn people. So let's put ourselves there for a moment. We have just left Egypt after a few hundred years of slavery and have witnessed countless miracles on our behalf, but still complain to our leader about everything under the sun. He goes away for awhile to rest and we create a new leader made of gold. Our leader returns and is a bit pissed about being replaced by a cow so he destroys the cow and goes away again. When he comes back, he brings with him a book that tells us of our history. In that book it says we went to this place and that place and did this and that. It says we were rescued in Egypt and it says we traveled in the dessert to XY and Z place.

We are all kind of sitting there listening to our history and taking it all in. Our leader tells us that we need to tell our children and their children about what is in this book because it speaks of our history and what we have been through. We accept it and do as it says which is now obvious from our very existance. Now, I ask you this as people who know Jews. Do you really believe if any of these things did not happen to them, that those stubborn people who first handed the Torah down to the next generation,would have done so? The Jews had no problems challenging Moshe and they did not do so in this case. The Jews I know would have been throwing stuff at Moshe telling him he was a nut and who was he Mr. Big Shot to tell us what we were to do. They would not pass down anything that he made up in order to enslave them just like the Egyptians did. They did not do that. They accepted what he gave them and passed it down.

So the argument isn't that the Torah tells us that we were there so we believe it because that's what the Torah says. The argument is that THE JEWS AT THAT TIME, ACCEPTED WHAT IS IN THERE ABOUT THEMSELVES AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM, WHAT THEY DID AND WHERE THEY WENT AND HOW THINGS HAPPENED and then passed that down to each generation, just like we all have had things passed down to us since the beginning of time. THE FACT THAT WE ACTUALLY ACCEPTED WHAT WAS WRITTEN AS TRUE AT THE TIME OF REVELATION is the actual proof-that we didn't argue the facts of the case but agreed that they were true because they had just lived and experienced them. In turn, they handed the Torah down to each subsequent generation afterwards as if to say-here is your history and you can believe from me it's true because I LIVED IT. That is what makes the Torah proof argument not only non-circular, but a solid proof to anyone who knows any Jews at all.

As for the argument that maybe the Torah was written and given generations later so there was no one to disprove what was written in it, it is an arbitrary argument. It is just as easy to say what I wrote above as it is to say the Torah was made up by some old guys 2000 years ago. So unless you can make that argument stick, I find myself going with the one I made above. Maybe the world was started in someones basement and just grew too big and we have what we have now. Whatever claims you can make about the Torah being written years later, I can make a stronger claim above because above is something tangible to base some facts on. Arguments to the contrary are simply arbitrary.

One thing is certain. Surely the Jews at the time of Moshe had more guts than we do today. They did not just accept his word blindly. They had experienced some bad things and were not just ready to follow him wherever he went. He had to prove things to them constantly and they became a thorn in his side at every turn. Yet, they accepted his Torah and the things that were written ABOUT EACH OF THEM PERSONALLY to be true and that alone is enough for me and should be for anyone who has an open mind.

For those who question this, look around you at Jewish leadership and our people today. Do you think we would have argued with Moshe or question the veracity of his claims? Of course not. We are a spoiled lot and we shiver at the site of anything different. I only wish that the people who left Egypt were alive today. They would stand up to a weak kneed leadership who would crumble at the pressure of their outrage. They would demand accountability from their leadership for cover-ups and violations of law both sceular and Torah and call for their ouster if they could not stand up to the pressure. They would ignore Rabbinical wanton orders and ask them based on what authority can they adopt such random edicts. I long for the survivors of Egyptian slavery who received the Torah at Sinai because they were history's greatest skeptics as their behavior indicates....and yet they accepted the Torah to be true and with open arms.

May this Shavout bring you peace, rest, happiness and a greater understanding of what the Creator of the World wants from you and all of us and may we live to see the final redemption with the coming of Moshiach speedily in our days.

Shidduch and the Gutless

If there is one thing that I cannot figure out, it's how we got here.

How did the Jews get to a point where it mattered what sort of table cloth you used on Shabbos?

How did the Jews get to a point where not having a job was a GOOD thing?

How did the Jews get to a point where the dress size of a girl was an important factor vis' a vi' marriage?

How did the Jews get to a point where a girl had to travel out of town so that she could go out on a date because the boy didn't want to travel?

In thirty years when Jewish historians look back on the dark days of Post World War II Jewish history, they will marvel at the blueprint that the Jewish People laid out for the destruction of a culture and wonder aloud why no one was there to stem the tide of disaster. They will ask the question how such a supposed smart people, could be so stupid. They will ask why such successful business people were not able to apply the same principals and logic that made them so successful to their own lives and those of their children.They will ask why no one did anything about the impending disaster of poverty and loss of community and will only be able to draw one conclusion.

The people were gutless.

Most were like puppies who followed the master. Others knew better, but were afraid to say anything so as not to ruin Shidduchim for their children and still others dared to do something, but were censored in front of the masses by the master because their bark was actually as bad as their bite and the master and his minions (or minyans) ran afraid....

Rosh Ha'yeshivas have taken the place of the community Rabbi and in doing so, have elevated themselves, on their own, to arbiter and soothsayer. They want control of our children's lives because only they know the difference between right and wrong. How in the world can we allow our children to be manipulated by Rosh Ha'yeshivas and do or say nothing? What does that say about us? Them?

I, for one, will not pay for my children once they are married. My sister always says" I won't let my children starve" Oooppps...you can bet I will. My children have a 20 year head start. They have known forever that they are on their own as soon as they decide to marry and that is the way it should be.

I listen to everyone talk about how we need to love our children and THAT is the most important thing. BS! We need to teach our children to be independent. THAT is the most important thing. We have enabled our kids to lead us by the nose wherever they want to go and then send us with the bill...Well not in my lifetime-never gonna happen.

How did we get here?

We are basically one generation removed from the holocaust and now our children believe that they not only should be living on our dime, but they actually believe they're entitled to it. My cousins son in law told me HE makes 3400 a month. Here is his math...His wife makes 1200, my cousin gives him 1200, his parents give him 200 (thanks for carrying the load) and the government food stamp program gives him 800. He asked why he shouldn't be learning with that kind of income? I don't blame him. I pity him, but don't blame him. I blame us. I blame the Jewish people who have bought into this self destructive behavior.I blame the parents who have given their children away to yeshivas. I blame the yeshivas who endorse this attitude and won't be there to take responsibility when this all blows up and we have homeless yeshiva boys and their wives and 6 children heaven forbid.

I feel bad for the children who get suckered into this lifestyle because they are young and naive and so many of them truly mean well. The children are caught in a life brought upon them by gutless cowards who know better, but are not willing to give away the power that they have.

How much longer can this go on??

A religion of fear

Thinking back, I think I always knew it and felt it, but until it was articulated to me, I never understood it.

A few years ago I was talking to the daughter of a Chassidic Rabbi with a very famous last name and I mentioned that there was word out that the Rabbis in some cities forbid their people from using the internet and also forbid the bais yaakov girls from going to Miami on vacation. I was commenting how absurd I thought it all was when she quoted her father and said that the misnagdim have created a religion of fear.

Religion of fear. I never thought about that even though I probably always knew it. I thought back and retraced some decisions in my life where I'd asked for Rabbinical guidance and even decisions I made with my yeshiva education as my foundation.

Here's one I didn't figure out until I was 39 years old. I was studying Mesechta Sanhedrian and came across the description of Sraiyfah-swallowing of hot lead- as punishment for an adulteress. I thought it was rather harsh to be sure, but then the Talmud enlightened me on why that is needed. Sraiyfah burns the insides of a body, but leaves the outsides intact.

All of Israel has a portion in the world to come. The talmud teaches that sraiyfah is needed so that the woman can cleanse her soul and RETAIN HER PORTION IN THE WORLD TO COME by atoning for this sin this way, thereby cleansing the neshoma-soul-which gets burned up by the process. The Talmud states very clearly that the reason we have capital punishment in Judaism is because all Jews have a portion in the world to come. Hmmm...how come no one ever told me that?

How does this tie into the religion of fear?

When I learned Talmud and even Chumash when I was younger, I was always told there is a punishment for your bad deeds. It was always about "you did something bad, therefore you need to be punished. If you don't want to be punished, don't do anything bad". so we learned Torah that way in our lives and made our decisions with that somewhere in mind.
How ridiculous is that? Is there punishment? Yes. Is the reason we get the punishment because we were bad? No. The reason we get the punishment is to retain our portion in the world to come. Hashem is a G-d that loves all his creations and wants the best for them. The charedi world has locked G-d in a box and made him this unmoving, unwavering, unyielding, dictator who demands obedience at any cost. The followers of this logic bend over backwards to make life as uncomfortable as possible under the guise of "this is what G-d wants from me so I will suffer no matter the cost." Does that make any sense?

I remember asking a Rabbi about a job opportunity. I was young and naive and didn't quite get it. I told him about this job that paid very well, but I was not sure if wearing my kippah was the smartest thing. His response was that I should pass on the job because would I really want to take a job where my wearing a kippah was in question? He didn't tell me that the Mishna Brurah and the Chay Adom were of the opinion that it was no problem. I think I even knew that myself, but wanted some guidance just the same. Based on his advice I turned the job down and regretted it for years.

This past Sunday a man collecting for himself asked me for money. He started a kollel and it fell through and now he's 200k in debt. I asked why he started the Kollel and he said in his city in Israel there were only 5 kollels (im). Only five?? I told him that if a person really wants to learn he should learn as a single guy but should not be allowed to marry and effect other lives that will get entangled with his fantasy. He told me a man has to learn because it's dangerous out in the world. I agreed but asked him what is the big deal to G-d if you lock yourself in the Study hall and keep away from any outside influences such as say, I dunno, a job? Do you think the reward is greater for you than the man who enters the jungle and retains his foundation? Are you afraid that all the years of Torah study cannot combat the mean old world? I told him it's not logical...then told him logic doesn't always prevail that's why we had World War 1. He missed that reference because he never studied history. What a surprise....

I could go on and on. I am frustrated by the sheep who just follow Bo peep because he said it's bad for you and you need to be afraid. I long for the days of Ivdu Es Hashem B'Simcha...whatever happened to serving G-d in love...we are lost in fear and it has spiraled into a dogma that cripples anyone who is a bit different and paralyzes them into thinking they don't measure up because they need to have their thirst for answers quenched instead of being satisfied with a morsel of food because it is just the way it has to be.

Enough already. We need to find a Pinchas or Mattisyahu who will fight the Jews who are strangling the Torah and making it's adherents zombies and cowering nerds in the corner.

I, for one, will continue looking for those who have the will to stand up and be counted.