I'm Tired...

I'm tired and beat down.

My body is ravaged by the poundings of life.

I am just too tired.

I read the paper this morning and saw that the Jews leading us in Israel, in their infinite wisdom, released the 250+ prisoners I lamented about two weeks ago.May Hashem watch over our people when the "innocent" prisoners, decide to extinguish a few more Jewish lives. Maybe then we can truly rejoice in our commitment to lift up the stature of the evil Abu Mazen.

I read this week how we have been selling smichot so people can earn 1000 shekels more. Is there no such thing anymore as integrity and character? Think about the last time you ever heard a shmooze by your rebbi or a speech by your rabbi and he mentioned those words. What are we doing? Is this Torah Leadership?

I read about a rabbi overseas who has been collecting money from his government for services never rendered. Straight out stealing. No if's and's or but's. What are we gonna do?

I'm just too tired.

This week of the nine days has proven to be all it is rumored to be and between all our issues and our conscious decisions to not deal with our problems as a people, I hate to say this, but we deserve what we get. We have absolved ourselves from personal responsibility, deferring to our rabbis for every decision we make. We have become lemmings. I am just too tired.

I need Shabbos this evening. I need it to reinvigorate my beaten down body and distressed soul and pray that Hashem have mercy on us this week-a week of historical tragedy and hope that our withdrawing from the pleasures of this world, will serve as an atonement for our cowardice and our shameful behavior.

Shabbat Shalom.

Can we Really be this Stupid?

If our enemies only knew how stupid we really are.

I have said that for the last 20+ years and as evidenced by the illogical Oslo Accords, our enemies figured it out and we have been on center stage making stupid decision after stupid decision ever since.

This morning's headlines scream out-"We are still the dumbest country on the planet"
"The government, in its Sunday morning weekly session, approved the release of 250 convicted Arab terrorists from prison, as a goodwill gesture to PA chief Abu Mazen. Only terrorists without “blood on their hands” are to be released."

We are doing what? Why?

I am stunned that the Israeli people-my people-have lived with this gutless sell-out for the last 12 months. His lawyerese gave Israel it's first Viet-nam last summer on the premise that we will not stop until we get our soldiers back. That lasted until George Bush told him to stop. Any sign of backbone? None.

Today he works to lift up a true Sonai Yisroel-Abu Mazen-who is a modern day Aisav-he gives us a kiss but it is really a bite. Does Olmert demand anything in return? No. Instead he has agreed to release terrorists "who have no blood on their hands". Why do they have no blood on their hands. BECAUSE THEY ATTEMPTED TO KILL JEWISH MEN WOMAN AND CHILDREN AND FAILED. Now Olmert will hand them a second chance to finish what they started.

But my question is deeper than that. My question is not why the Jewish people have stood by and let him destroy their country from within. My question is what about the religious parties? How have they stood by and become willing participants in a government that disdains them and all that they are supposed to stand for? How have they stood by and watched the imbeciles that are making decisions in Israel and VOTED WITH THEM on matters that they know are anti-Torah?

The answer of course is very simple.

They have stood by with their hands out and their "kadoorim" exposed. They are criminals by the purest of Torah definitions. They wear the garb and act the part, while underneath they make shady deals with the Aruv Rav just so they can line their pockets and remain in power. I ask again, in light of last weeks Parsha, where is Pinchas? Where is Judah Macabee? Where are the Jews who will stand up and say enough is enough??!! We cannot sit by and watch you kill our children through your cowardice, greed and thirst for power!!

Hashem is testing our people and we are not only failing, but I fear we are setting ourselves and our children up for a tragedy that we have not heard of in seventy odd years...What are we doing to our people? What are we doing to our children?

This is and always has been about power, greed and corruption.

Lest the religious amongst us in America act above it all. This past winter, the Torah Academy for Girls-a Bais Yaakov School on Long Island, sent home an edict which in a nutshell said as follows. All children who are with their aunts, uncles and or GRANDPARENTS, without parental or SCHOOL supervision, are subject to immediate suspension and or expulsion. In other words it's us or you. No Grandparents can be left alone to supervise your child(ren).

HUH?

What had this world come to? Not only can the grandparents, your parents, not be supervisors of your children, but we will be in their stead and in yours-En Loco Parenti.

What a Chutzpah!! Who thinks of these things? What kind of sick twisted individuals, think that they are not only the arbiters of their Torah, but yours and more importantly YOUR PARENTS Torah? Do you really think if the parents can't cough up the 10-15k it takes for tuition, that these righteous purveyors of Torah won't be calling on the very pasul grandparents to pay the bill? These people turn my stomach and they should sicken our whole nation and on top of that, the entire Bais Yakov movement, which in due time will all fall in goosestep, should be stripped of the very privilege we have entrusted them with-educating Jewish Children-and their leaders exposed for the self righteous, greedy, bullies that they are.

These people at TAG need to be called out. What message of Kibud AV are we sending? How does one tell his parents that their children cannot visit this summer because their Torah way of life, some of it lived from out of the ashes of the holocaust, is not good enough according to the leaders of today's Bais Yakov movement? This is Daas Torah? This is the nachas they get for sacrificing their lives for Torah? What message are we teaching the future woman of Klal Yisroel? This is a scandal of epic proportions and I am stunned that these so called educators are allowed to get away with this?

Where is the Moetzes Gedolei Hatorah-the self proclaimed leaders of Klal Yisroel? Where is Agudas Yisroel? This is how we treat our parents? This is the thanks they get? You call this Torah? Kibud Av V'am?

You people disgust me!!

I'm not even sure who I am disgusted with more. The Leadership and board of TAG or the numb parents who allowed this ridiculousness to happen....

We cry about the abuse of power of Ehud Olmert and Ariel Sharon and then DO NOTHING when the very same thing is happening in our own backyard. This is all about power and the ability, through fear, to control people's lives.

I'm afraid this will only get worse as the blind sheep worry about the shidduch of their children.

Will someone please tell me what ever happened to principles? What ever happened to doing the right thing? What ever happened to leading a genuine life?

My heart aches for the torture that we are going through as a nation and it is all being brought upon us from within, destroying the intestinal fortitude that once made us special, and turning us into a weak, blind, and principle-less people.

I am pained to say this and never thought I would.

Today, I am ashamed to be a Jew.

What can I offer?

I apologize again for not writing 'til now. Family health issues have dominated the landscape. It is a topic related to that issue that I wanted to write about-or at least the helplessness that comes with it.

I won't really go into what exactly the issues are within the family, but my thoughts have been directed towards the proper response in a crisis like this. Being raised FFB, you're taught that your first response should be to daven to Hasham and pray for help and health. Well, that would be everyone else. My first response? How in the world will my prayers help? I KNOW Hashem doesn't want to hear from me.

I cannot even begin to count the massive amounts of ways I have fallen short of the throne each and every day let alone my entire life, and I cannot even fathom how my creator wants to hear anything from me, or on top of that asking him for a favor I clearly do not deserve. Maybe it's easy for some people who know they have sinned and find it no problem to ask Hashem for his help. I find it almost impossible...does Hashem really want to hear praise from me?

How disappointed must he be in me and what I have done with my life? Do I really have any legs to stand on by asking Him for help with my child? Say Tehillim? I think that's better left for those who have far less baggage than I...

I get the fact that Raish Lakish was a stage coach robber and thief by trade and found his way to Torah. I get the fact that Nevezadrun killed hundreds of thousands of Jews and became a convert worthy of having Torah scholars as grandchildren. I've learned all about them all and have learned all about the Glory and Loving Kindness of the Creator, but I STILL cannot find it in myself to address the Holy One as if I have the right to.

Trust me, I'm not looking for a rebbi, an intermediary or a false prophet to pray on my behalf. I'm just looking to get past my vast array of misdeeds that may have been the cause for this family illness in the first place. The helplessness and loneliness I feel is palapable and weighs on me like a thousand pound gorilla. I know that the point of Judaism is that Ad yom mosso tichake lo-until the day of man's death Hashem accepts his Teshuva-I get all of that....I just feel so powerless....

I don't want to lead you to believe I do not daven three times a day-G-d forbid-but I must say that I do so feeling embarrassed that it is through me that praises to Hashem are spoken. How absurd... Surely there must be someone more worthy than I?

As another beautiful Shabbos approaches, I am hoping that the holiness of Shabbos will overcome my shortcomings and serve as a refuah for our child. Nevertheless, I will greet the Shabbos Queen with the same question that haunts me each and every waking moment....

Who am I?

So What's the Answer?

After some discussion on Friday's blog, some issues were raised as to what to do about the problems we are facing in our communities and it just seems that we a blowing in the wind.

Well, yes and no.

I don't think there is anything lost by addressing this issue in this forum or anywhere else. That is certainly one way to get this issue front and center.

Are we a small group? Yes.

Do we have a long arm? I am inclined at this point to say, no.

Are we fighting an uphill battle? Yes.

Are we whistling in the wind? I don't think so just yet.

Some have posted that we need the Modern Orthodox to fill this void. I strongly disagree and mostly for the same reasons I rail against the Kollel wing-because they are as closed minded-yes closed minded-and arrogant about Torah U'madah as the Kollel is about their way. Don't get me wrong. I am not against the Torah U'madah derech per se' just as I am not against Kollel in all cases. But please don't fool yourself into thinking that the far left-yes not centrist-(I don't even know what that means) is any better than the far right. I will try and address that soon.

Here, however is my attempt at an answer.

I am adamant about not using the term orthodox because the moniker was laid on us by the reformers in Germany and it was not meant to be a compliment. I am in favor of the word Torah Jew. Someone who lives their life based on Torah. Period. Let the other guys keep the labels and do what they want with them. I think they're silly and mean nothing.

Here is what I propose. We should all try and live a genuine life. We don't need a new movement. We just need some common sense and people who are not concerned with their own Kavod and power. We need to get rid of any leaders who are slighted that they were not placed on the dais when someone else who is not as " important" as they are had been placed there. We need to hold our leadership accountable. We need to stop concerning ourselves with who gets what honor. It's so silly and the cause of so much strife and hatred.

We need to follow the example of a nineteen year old girl that I know. She davens every day-because she wants to even though she may not be obligated to. She speaks respectfully to all people no matter their age. She leaves the room when she hears Loshon Horah. She reads the parsha every friday night and learns the haftorah-because she wants to learn about Hashem. She does not judge anyone nor advocate for any one thing or any one way of life. She just wants to be a Jew. She attends Shiurim because she just wants to be a Jew. She helps the terminally ill twice a week because she just wants to be a Jew. She didn't buy into th eIsrael thing or the fancy clothes thing. She just wants to be a Jew.

What is wrong with that? Why can't we start a movement to just be a Jew. A G-d fearing do our service out of love Jew? We don't need to re-invent the wheel. The answer is already out there. We just need to be Jews.

How do we convey that to the masses? Any way possible, but we have to offer something they can sink their teeth into and I think this girl and the way she lives her life is the answer. The MO have an agenda and it is to NOT be charedi. That alone is as dangerous as the charedi agendas. Think about that carefully and understand that I have sent FIVE children to Torah Umadah schools so I know about which I am writing. Anyone who denies this fact is being intellectually dishonest.

Fact is there is a way and it has nothing to do with labels. It has to do with being G-d fearing Jew and living a life as it is defined by Torah. Our words men nothing. Our clothes mean nothing. Our hashkafah means nothing.

Our actions mean everything.

Can Anyone Save us from Ourselves?

I apologize for my tardiness from this blog. Between family issues, weddings, work and life, time to write has been scarce and even now I am overloaded with work so I will be brief.

A little over a week ago I was in Boro Park for the wedding of my cousin. It was very nice to see everyone, yet very sad at the same time. I sat at a family table with the son-in-laws of all of my cousins and surprise, surprise, they all were in Kollel in Lakewood. Follow me here...they are all nice people and I enjoy their company, but what the hell are we doing here? I could not help but wonder who was going to pay for the weddings of their children?

Does anyone realize the kind of crisis we are creating? Please have some vision. NEVER BEFORE IN THE HISTORY OF THE JEWISH PEOPLE HAVE WE HAD SO MANY PEOPLE IN KOLLEL. This is not a good thing. Who will pay for them if G-d forbid they lose their parents-their only source of income-section 8 and the Independence card/WIC notwithstanding? WHERE ARE OUR LEADERS TO STOP THIS??? Can we actually rely on a group of rabbis who CALL THEMSELVES gedolai hatorah? Does anyone in a rabbinical leadership position have the guts to stop this? I think not and I am ashamed of my people. The leadership today has spit on the graves of Pinchas and Mattisyahu, the Rambam, the Ramban, Rebbi, Rebbi Akiva, Shimshon Raphael Hirsch--all the men who stood up for what was right and took on the wrongs in their communities even when they were dressed up as Torah. WHERE ARE YOU????????????

I'll end today with a small story in case you think that only our sons suffer from mis-information overload. A friend of ours has a daughter who had planned for years to go to law school when she came back from Israel. All was well and good. She became engaged and went back to Israel whereupon she met up with her Rabbi who told her a lawyer-is that really what you want to be? Is that what a bas Torah should be? So she has come to the conclusion on his urging to be a paralegal. Huh? Instead of being her own boss as a lawyer, this brilliant rebbi told her to be a paralegal-in other words work for a lawyer who needs you at a moments notice and that will be easier on her family than working for yourself?? Did he get this insight from Ruach Hakodesh? Is his das torah power taking over?

We are in crisis and need to open up the eyes of all the naive parents who have bought into this broken system and have been sold a bill of goods that has no basis in Halacha...if it sounds frummer, it must be...

On that note...have a great shabbos.

What is this Torah that you Speak of?

It never fails.

You can start a clock by it.

Question the present day Yeshivish/Kollel lifestyle and you will get blasted-personally attacked. Be called an idiot and a know nothing-anti-Torah.

This is the way it works with the Jews of the 21st century.

Suffice it to say there are two camps. One camp believes that the current yeshiva structure of today is the way to go. This camp believes in the study of Torah, living a Torah lifestyle, with Torah, Avodah, and Gemilos Chasadim. However, they also are subjecting our naive, idealistic, children to a life of struggle and poverty and listening intently for the next restrictive edict from a Rabbinical leadership starving to hang on to it's power. Not so much because they believe it's the way to go, but because that's just the way it is done.

The second camp believes in Torah, Avodah, and Gemilos Chasadim. They believe in a Torah lifestyle. They do not believe in the canard of modern orthodoxy as it's defined by the far left wing on that spectrum, just as they reject the leanings of the far right wing in the yeshiva structure. They just long to be Torah Jews who service Hashem out of love and call out the evil of all who have other agendas.

I myself am lost. I like to think I am in the second camp, but unfortunately, there are not many people there with me. I used to believe in the infallibility of Rabbinical leadership. Those days are gone now. I have witnessed too much. I get a chuckle out of seeing advertisements for a camp where, under the picture of each Rabbi involved, is a caption like Adom Godol or Talmud Chacham. I turn the page and see pictures of more Rabbis who USED TO BE WITH THE others from the previous page, but are now on their own in a new camp, due to a fight between the groups. I used to think that someone earned the name Gadol Ba'Torah-I didn't think you got invited to become one.

Interestingly enough, talk to any Rabbi nowadays, and he'll tell you that we are definitely at the end of days, all the while wanting us to ignore that at the end of days, the Talmud says, the rabbis will be like a pig with a golden ring in it's snout, as if to say check out my Torah and how much I know. The rest of you know nothing.

I believe the study of Torah is a beautiful and spiritual pursuit. I also believe like Abaye, Ravina, Rava, Rambam, Rav Ashi And Rav Shmuel before me that MY NUMBER ONE JOB AS A TORAH TRUE JEW, IS TO FEED MY FAMILY. For support on this issue, I find solace in the Gemmorah Kesubos around 40 blatt in as well as hilchos Talmud Torah from the Rambam, 3rd perek, where he states that a person should find a job, find a house, find a wife. WHAT? The Rambam said that? Doesn't he understand how hard it is in this society? Like living in Egypt was a day at the beach. Today we do the exact opposite. Find a wife, find a house find a job. I'm amused by Kollel and Bais Medrash students who constantly quote the Rambam, but seem to ignore his prescription for life.

I'm told now that a young man needs to learn longer in this brutal society to get a foundation for life. I do not disagree. Here is my answer to fix all of it. Learn to your hearts content if that is how your parents have raised you, but do not involve our daughters and grandchildren in your selfishness. Let me be very clear. It is extremely selfish to demand of one's parents and in-laws that you be supported. It is extremely selfish to demand of your wife, that she supports you for x number of years and after that you'll see where you are at. Yes, the study of Torah is very important. IF YOU BELIEVE IN IT SO MUCH, DO SOMETHING SELFLESS AND WAIT TO GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO SUPPORT A WIFE AS THE TORAH AND TALMUD SAYS.

It used to be in years past when a boy was in yeshiva his rebbe would quote him that a person who is kovayah iitim l'Torah is like a person who learned all day. The Rebbe assumed that the boy would follow in the footsteps of his Jewish ancestors. Today they are told that a person can't really be Koveah iitim because he would have to do it the same time each day blah blah blah...What are we doing?? When will this stupidity end??

I wish I could learn Torah all day. There is nothing better for a man to do. I cannot. The Torah commands me to feed my children and take care of my wife and that is what I must do. In the meantime, I will continue to learn at least a daf a day in Bavli and dabble in Yerushalmi, as I have for the last 10 years and find my peace in that. While I understand that the Yeshiva world looks down upon Daf Yomi, I will live with their ridicule and their arrogance. In the meantime, I will do my best to make sure we straighten out the lives of the starry eyed youth who have bought into this broken and dangerous system and hope and pray that I don't get a knock on my door in 22 years from now because my relatives don't have enough money to pay for the first of the ten childrens' wedding. Habait M'shmayim oraeeyh....

Devorah? Not in my Lifetime....

I apologize for not posting a new blog sooner but with the holiday and some family issues, I was a bit overwhelmed...nevertheless I am back and had a few questions....

Before I start a few mazel tov's. My cousin has a daughter getting married in two weeks and she is moving to....you guessed it, Lakewood where her husband will be....you guessed it, learning in Kollel. But wait-there's more. Her brother just got engaged two days ago...he'll be moving to...drum roll please...Lakewood where he will be....learning in Kollel...anyone see a pattern? Ahh but in case you have not had enough, my brother's nephew from his wife's side also just got engaged...his is moving to....do I need to say??

What are we doing to our children??? Does this make any sense to you?? Someone please explain this utter stupidity to me and additionally, tell me how this lunacy is good for the Jewish people and how it is actually the way of the Torah??


A thought about learning all night on Shavuos....

Where did we get this and by we I mean the religious Jewish community? What source can we look to for this minhag? Rashi? Nope. Rambam? Nope. Abarbanel? Nope. Ramban? Nope. Now it seems to me that none of the above partook in this nobel excersize, or at the very least they didn't advocate it for the masses. Now please feel free to correct me on these aforementioned bastions of yeshivish thought, but I can't find one place in their writings where they even hint to staying up all night to learn on Shavuos. How did we get here?

It seems that the Mogen Avraham is really one of the first to mention this idea of staying up all night referring to a recent happening as if to say that around his time in the early 1600 or late 1500's, people started to stay up all night. I find it interesting to note that coffee was introduced to that region around the same time frame. Could it be without the introduction of caffeine back then, we would not have this minhag today? I seem to think so. Now for the Yeshiva guy this is an uncomfortable thought-do you mean to tell me that no one stayed up on Shavuos before then? Uhhhh...for the most part yes. Except of course if you read the Zohar who has a whole miggilah on how a few Kabbalists stayed up to prepare the bride-Klal Yisroel-for the groom-Hashem and Torah-and it explains there the very obscure and esoteric meanings behind this idea.

The yeshiva guy will point to the Chofetz Chaim who states the medrash and we stay up all night because we needed to be woken up...blah blah blah...I believe even the CC knew this was way off, but he did not want to mention Kabbalah b/c he knew how the misnagdim hated the chasidim so....and that tradition has been handed down to the yeshiva world who has an almost disdain for Kabbalists as if only the yeshiva world has true insight to Torah....I wonder if the yeshiva world knows how much Kabbalah they have in their lives...ana b'koach, lechu nerannina, Lecho dodi just to name a few....

The other question I wonder is do you think there is any chance that had she lived in today's world, Devorah would have been allowed to rise into a leader of Klal Yisroel? I say no shot..Can you imagine the self proclaimed moetzes gedolei ha'Torah differing to a woman? I am confident that the Rosh Ha'Yeshiva's would ban her speeches and attack her as a rodef and rebel rouser who was not a good example for our daughters and b'nos Torah...

Anyone doubt that?

What a shame that Torah Judaism has been squeezed into a very small narrow box and anyone who dares to question it's non halachic laws is attacked and abused in the name of Torah. What a shame...